


oh, but your lips against mine

by reapingwithjoy



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Roller Coaster, Feelings Realization, Fluff, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-02-26 01:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13225236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reapingwithjoy/pseuds/reapingwithjoy
Summary: What happens when one of your closest friends kisses you on New Years? The whole world flips on its head.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally prompted to me by @scottsmccalls (@stevcnlim) on tumblr for my 200 follower milestone.
> 
> "for a prompt can you write standrew having their first kiss at midnight on new years eve please and thank you!"

Multicolored lights flash as they spin around the dim room that is covered in shiny gold and silver streamers, ‘2018′ on display in every corner. Steven had only gotten back to LA two days prior from his trip to Singapore and Malaysia and not only was he tired as all hell, but he was also sad. 

It hit him when he was at his grandma’s house in Malaysia, looking out the window at the beautiful view, and he wished Ying was there with him. He hadn’t seen her since September, and he misses her like crazy. Her hugs, holding her hand, kissing her. He misses kissing a lot.

He couldn’t go back home after his trip abroad, needing to be back at Buzzfeed for the new year, so Steven was here, at an unofficial staff New Years Eve party so he doesn’t spend the transition to the new year alone. Jen is standing next to him, nodding as Freddie, Chantal and Ashly make comments about the Mariah Carey performance being projected onto the wall. 

He had already wished Ying a happy new year, her being four hours ahead of him, so he halfheartedly pays attention to the women as he casually looks around the room. Curly, Jazzmyne, and Julissa dance intensely on the dance floor as their surrounding coworkers cheer them on. Brittany and Kelsey are near the drinks, shooting back shots of something. Not too far from them Steven sees Andrew and Adam chatting with a few other coworkers, beer in hand. 

He makes eye contact with Jen, pointing to Andrew and Adam. She nods, giving him a wave. “Excuse me ladies, I have some co-hosts to greet.” He directs to Freddie, Chantal, and Ashly. “See ya later, Steven.”

He hadn’t seen Andrew or Adam since their trip to New York to film some episodes for season four of Worth It. He had sent pictures of the delicious food he ate during his trip to Andrew to make him jealous, to which he would reply with various forms of the term ‘asshole.’ The memory made him smile. 

Most people didn’t think he and Andrew would get along, Steven didn’t either, but Andrew, despite being a big old grump 70% of the time, is funny and smart and chill. Steven would dare to say he missed him, if it didn’t feel weird to admit that to even just himself. A shiver runs up his spine at the thought. 

Steven slides up next to Andrew, so as to not startle him. He knows from experience that it puts him in a bad mood. “Heyyy, did ya miss me?”

He turns his head in time to seen Andrew and Adam give him an unimpressed look. Andrew rolls his eyes at him and then gives him a small smirk, “Hello Steven, did you have fun on your trip?”

Steven briefly flashes back to his sadness back in Malaysia, choosing to ignore it. “Yeah, you know, lots of new experiences. Lots of good food.”

“Yeah. I know you jerk.” Andrew elbows him, Steven blows a raspberry in response. 

“Child.” Andrew teases, “I guess we’re going to lose the peace and quiet we were getting used to.” 

“Aww,” Steven wraps an arm around Andrew’s shoulders, “I missed you too buddy.” He was teasing him, but butterflies began to stir in his stomach. 

Andrew glares and him then glances down to the floor, trying to hide a small smile from Steven. Steven knew better than to tease him about it. So instead he gives his shoulder a light squeeze. He looks up at Steven, their faces close. Steven gives him a gentle, reassuring smile, to which Andrew returns with an almost bashful smile of his own. Steven’s heart felt warm, finding comfort in the gaze and Andrew’s warm body next to him. It’s the best he’s felt in weeks.

“Hey! Thirty seconds till midnight!” Someone yelled in the crowd. 

Their group turn their heads toward the projection of the countdown happening at Grand Park, with the an ever changing light show and countdown being projected onto the Los Angeles City Hall building. Steven’s arm slips down to Andrew’s waist so that he can get a better view.

Ciara, the thousands of people in the park, and everyone at the party start counting down. 

_10_

_9_

_8_

_7_

Steven feels Andrew’s eyes on him. He turns to look to him, raising an eyebrow. Andrew looks almost conflicted. 

_5_

_4_

_3_

_2_

Andrew leans in close, face almost too close to his. “Andrew wha-”

“Shh.”

And then Andrew’s lips find his. Something settles in Steven’s chest. He feels warm and safe, pulling Andrew closer, missing the feeling of lips on his. He hears a buzzing from the cheers an excitement, but everything else is dulls out, too focused on kissing back. He feels the prickle of Andrew’s facial hair against his face, which throws him off slightly. It’s when they pull back that the buzzing intensifies and a rock collapses in Steven’s stomach. 

Andrew looks full of bliss, “I’ve been wanting to do that for forever.” He says quietly, but loud enough for Steven to hear him over the celebration. Andrew’s eyes flicker open to see Steven’s eyebrows knitted, eyes wide. Steven feels like he’s going to vomit. 

“Steven?” Andrew tries, but Steven backs away slowly, a stunned expression on his face as he stumbles into the crowd. 

He cheated, he’s a cheater. And what’s worse? 

He liked every second of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven comes face to face with every emotion he's cast aside.

Steven runs.

He weaves through the crowd, narrowly missing arms reaching for hugs and lifting to cheers in the new year. Everything feels like a drunk’s tilted vision. He runs into someone as he turns a corner, mumbling out a sorry as he keeps moving, finding less and less people in his way.

He pushes past the door that leads to the lot outside of the venue, sucking in a harsh and shuddering breath. He clenches his teeth, scrubbing a hand through his hair roughly, suddenly feeling a heaviness weigh down his body.

“Fuck.”

Steven drops his hand heavily, slapping it against his pocket where he put his keys. He needs to hide, needs to curl into himself and think. Because what’s someone supposed to do when their close friend kisses you on New Years? Kisses you and then admits he’s always wanted to?

He unlocks his car as he approaches the curb where he parked it, pulling open the door to the backseat and crawling in. He curls himself into a ball and presses the lock button on his keys, securing himself  in his angst.

Steven fixes his gaze on the back of the passenger's seat, thoughts flooding in and whirring violently in his head. The sharp citrus scent of his air freshener and the scratchiness of the car seat on his face is almost too overwhelming to deal with.

Andrew _kissed him_. He can still feel the warm pressure of Andrew on his lips. And it’s not like Steven initiated it. No. But he didn’t stop it. He kissed back and took, and took, pulling him close, like it was everything he wanted.

Was it? Did he want Andrew?

Steven feels his heart beat faster, mind flashing through memories in quick succession: When he first met Andrew while filming Feast Mode Hunger Squad and being drawn in by his eyes and his smile; whenever they’re trying to navigate through crowded places and Andrew would quickly wrap an arm around his waist or extend his hand out for Steven to grab on to so that he can guide Steven through the crowd, making Steven briefly flush; all the times Andrew would fall asleep on his shoulder during their flights or huddle up close to Steven whenever he was cold, making Steven feel safe and at home.

 _Fuck_.

So he likes Andrew, his mind quickly acknowledges. Makes sense.

But Ying.

He feels his stomach turn. He loves her so much. She’s the one who pushed him to believe in his dreams, to move out to California. She is the person he turns to when he needs someone who will understand him, who probably knows him better than most people.

 _Yeah, and when was the last time you saw her?_ His mind betrays him and plays back the pleasant weight of Andrew’s body pressed against his as they kissed.

He shuts his eyes tight, trying to shake off the feeling, tears squeezing out from the pressure.

Andrew knew! He knows Steven is dating Ying and yet he still-- he must have thought that was his chance. That’s what people do on New Year's, why not try his luck? Andrew had to have known that wouldn’t go in his favor but he still went for it anyway. Steven whines.

The problem isn’t that Andrew kissed him. It’s how much Steven wanted it; still wants it. Which makes him a horrible person. He feels his throat tighten.

Ying doesn’t deserve this. He bites the inside of his cheek, pressing his face down into the seat, jerking his knee up harshly into the center console, a dull pain surging through his kneecap. Steven screams in pain and heartache, the seat muffling the sound.

This is too much. He wants to talk to Ying, not even thinking if it would be a stupid idea. Sliding his hand into his pocket, he pulls out the phone, unlocking it numbly. He finds a call and a call and a text from Andrew and a call from his mom. He ignores them both, going into recent calls and pressing Ying’s name.

The line picks up and Ying sleepily hums a greeting. She always responds, even if its the middle of the night for her, Steven’s heart clenches.

“Sorry,” he says shakily, “I--I needed to talk to you.” Voice small, like a child desperate for direction.

She inhales deeply, the sheets ruffling at the other end of the line. “What’s going on sweetie?”

Tears cloud his vision at the pet name, slipping so perfectly out of her mouth.

“I love you so much, you know that--” His voice trails off, unsure of how to continue.

“Yes… Steven, what’s going on?”

“I think I like someone else too,”  He whispers into the phone.

“Is this about Andrew?” Ying says as if this wasn’t a new revelation at all.

He blinks, brow furrowing, “I-- wha--what? How-- how did you know?”

“Steven,” she lets out an amused huff, “I watch your show, I see the way you look at each other. And you talk about him all the time! More than anyone else you work with.”

Steven sits up quickly, mind reeling. “What do you mean?! You’ve known all this time? Why didn’t you say something! How could— how could you just be okay with this?!”

He feels an outpour of hot tears. The imaginary cord attached to Ying seems to fly out, fluttering in the air like a kite in a hurricane. The rushing winds drowning out all the noise and thoughts.

“Steven. Listen to me—“ A pause, “ Are you there?”

He hums weakly in response.

“Steven, I never said anything cause I trust you. I knew that you would never cheat on me.”

He could feel his heart sink.

She continues, “I knew that when the time came, you’d tell me about however you felt.”  

He closes his eyes and feels another tear slip out, “Ying, he kissed me just now for new years. We kissed and I-- I enjoyed it. I cheated on you. I’m so sorr--”

“Did you plan it?” She asks, sounding unphased by this new information.

Steven frowns, mind scrambling again. This is a big deal, wasn’t it? “No, it just kinda happened… I’m confused, you’re not upset?”

“I mean, was upset when it first hit me? Yeah. But I can’t really blame him.”

He blinks, mind struggling to keep up with everything. How can she be so cavalier about this?

“Ying, what the hell?”

“Steven, you’re amazing. You’re passionate, and genuine, and earnest, and caring, and so so SO handsome; it’s not a surprise Andrew saw that too.” Her voice is sweet in his ear, attempting to soothe out his pain. How dare his heart do this to her?

He can feel the tears pricking the corners of his eyes again. This is too many emotions at once. Steven can feel the heaviness of them in his chest as he rests his forehead against the back of a headrest, left hand barely holding the phone to his ear.

“What do I do?” He asks Ying, himself, to God. Any direction right now would be ideal.

Ying’s voice comes out soft and patient, “What do you want to do, Steven?”

 _What does he want to do?_ He wants to go to sleep and wake up to everything back in its place. He wants to run and keep running till he feels like himself again. He wants to cry away the pent up stress within him till he’s boneless and still. He wants to find Andrew and, and…

A scene of him pushing Andrew against a wall and diving into a deep, needy kiss with Andrew clinging on to him flashes in his mind. His belly swoops with want.

“Sweetie, I love you so much. But we were friends first , and we’ll always be. I just want you to be happy.”

Now, more than ever, Ying feels so far away. Emotionally and physically. He should have known this would happen but he refused to believe it.

“Ying, I—“ He stumbles, not sure how to continue.

“Go find him.” She says so matter of fact. It feels like a blessing.

“You’re amazing.”

“And don’t you forget it!” He can hear the smile behind that, which makes him smile weakly.

“Happy New Year, Ying.”

“Happy New Year, sweetie.”

Steven hangs up with a weary smile on his face. Exhaustion still weighs heavy on him, but he feels lighter. Less of a disappointment.

He leans back, slumping into the seat, pressing his eyes tightly closed. A fresh wave of tears flow out and cloud his vision. He swipes shaky hands over his warm cheeks to wipe away the tears. The breath that he sucks in seems to permeate through the tightness in his chest. He’s alright, he’ll be alright.

A memory flashes to his mind: Their first fine dining experience together, Providence. Steven was so nervous, he could barely review the Bloody Mary properly. Andrew leaned in close, allowing Steven a deeper smell of Andrew’s warm, softly musky cologne. He repeated those same soothing words in his ear, “ _you’re alright, you’ll be alright_.”

He remembers the feeling of Andrew placing his hand on his thigh, near his knee and out of sight of the camera, squeezing lightly. “I’m here. It’s just like any other restaurant, you’ve got this.”

Andrew is scathing and unapologetic with his opinions. It’s honest and efficient and Steven really appreciates it at times. But he isn’t always that way, not really. Sometimes Andrew is gentle and considerate. When it really matters, that is.

He remembers the way his heart picked up its pace. His anxious, scattered thoughts coming to focus on the hand on his knee. Steven had tried to contort his lips into a smile, as a thank you for Andrew’s kindness, but his mind was reeling at the touch. It ended up feeling like a pained grimace instead.

At the time, he decided to push the emotions away and focus on the task at hand. He didn’t even take the time to dwell on his  feelings afterward. That was hardly the first or last time he did so. What a fool he was, still is.

Steven opens his eyes, a resolute surety in his heart. He has to find him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why are you here?"

The speed at which Steven walks back to the building makes the view at his periphery blur. Many are leaving the party; headed to their next location. He maneuvers around them as best he can, most people just jumping out of his way. 

He parked on the street behind the venue and had not noticed anyone’s car he knew near the entrance. But when he turns the corner there he is. Three cars down on the other side of the street, leaning against the right side of his car, head tilted up from what Steven can see.

A bubble of nervous hope erupts in his chest, feet moving toward where is heart wants him to be. He crosses the street carefully, shuffling in between a green Prius and red Jeep. He can hear is heart pounding in his ears as he turns to take in Andrew’s profile. 

Thumbs hang loosely from his pockets, his body leaning heavily on the car, the line of his back hugs the car as if it were the only thing holding him up. His round nose is turned up. It looks as if his eyes are closed, but the distance makes it hard to tell. 

The closer Steven gets the more details he sees; his eyes are in fact closed, lips are pressed into a barely there frown, chin wrinkled. The streetlight catches on the faint tear tracks on his cheeks and Steven’s heart clenches.

“Andrew,” he says when he’s close enough, not wanting to startle him. Dewy eyes blink open and his brow pinches in confusion. 

“Steven…” 

Steven draws close to Andrew, like he always seems to do, but Steven is somehow just now noticing. 

“Steven, I’m so sorry for ambushing you like that. It was uncalled for and way out of line and I would understand-“

He places his left palm on Andrew’s warm chest, silencing him immediately. 

“Andrew,” Steven says, stepping into Andrew’s space, leaning down to rest their foreheads together.

“Can I?” He whispers into the small space between them. 

Andrew barely moves, rolling his head forward as if to nod, which only tilts their lips closer. Steven tentatively rests his right hand against Andrew’s cheek, thumb slowly stroking away the tear tracks. A nervous thrill runs through him at the feeling of Andrew’s stubbled cheek under his fingers, so different than what he’s used to. 

Steven leans in, brushing against soft lips. The touch shoots a spark through his heart, making it race. He leans his body into Andrew, capturing his lips and everything seems to fall motionless. The air around them feels so gentle and present that Steven worries he’ll break the moment. Andrew is still, Steven can feel how hesitant he is to ask for more.

Then Andrew makes a small, desperate noise in the back of his throat and all bets are off. 

Steven presses in closer, legs slotting in between Andrew’s, using his right hand to tilt Andrew’s face up while his left grabs hold of the button-down under his palm. Andrew finally makes a move, gently resting hands on Steven’s waist before wrapping his arms around them, holding him close. 

A rush of need spreads through Steven’s chest, he presses deeper into the kiss, tongue quickly asking for permission. Andrew opens up for him, giving back the same amount of energy he’s receiving. The first caress of tongue sends a spark into Steven’s heart. Warmth blossoms there, making him shiver. 

The sensation is heady. He doesn’t want to stop kissing Andrew, solid and steady Andrew, even his kisses are so. He wants to touch and kiss till his body feels weak and his lips feel numb. But he needs to stop, to breathe. He needs to talk to Andrew before they both get lost in each other. 

Steven releases the kiss. When he opens his eyes he sees Andrew’s lips parted, brow creased and shining green eyes blinking. The sight makes Steven’s heart swell. He leans in again, pressing a kiss to the corner of Andrew’s mouth then resting their foreheads together once more. 

Letting go of Andrew’s face, he places his right hand next to his left. His hands smooth up his chest and hoop around his neck. 

“What happened, Steven?” Andrew whispers. He sounds lost, trying to get a grip on the moment. 

Steven breathes in, “Your kiss… I liked it too much.” 

Andrew huffs a laugh, Steven can imagine him smirking. He doesn’t check, but he does nudge their shoulders together.

“Oh my god. I mean, I liked it too much and I knew I shouldn’t have,” he pulls back to look at Andrew. “I felt like I was cheating on Ying.” 

A guilty look passes over Andrew’s face, “I know… I-I got caught up in the moment and I know that doesn’t make it okay but… why are you here?” 

Andrew lightly squeezes his arms around Steven’s waist. The gesture makes him want to press in close once more and continue kissing. Instead his arms slip down, hands coming to the back of Andrew’s neck to cradle his head to draw his attention. 

“I talked to Ying.” 

Andrew’s eyebrows quirk up. 

“She knew. She knew before I could bring myself to recognize that I have feelings for you— that I like you, Andrew.” 

Andrew’s eyes warm at the confession, a hopeful smile on his lips before it slips and a more serious look takes over. “So what does that mean? Are you and Ying over?” 

Steven‘s eyes cast down. The reality of the past hour hitting him. “Friends now, but yes.” 

“Are you okay?” 

And that’s just it. When it matters, he’s not cruel or joking, underlined in the air in front of him. A tired smile appears as he looks up. “A lot has happened tonight, honestly. Can we just, take it slow?”

Now Andrew is smiling. He leans up to press a kiss to Steven’s cheek. “Okay, Steven.”  

He can feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes when he smiles. Steven’s tired mind settles. There is still a lot to talk about, but for now he wraps his arms around Andrew’s shoulders and let’s head drop into the crook of Andrew’s neck, breathing in the cedar and musky scent of his cologne. Andrew pulls him in close, running a soothing hand up and down his back and Steven sags into the strong and steady man, knowing everything will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so SO sorry this took literally a year to update but here it is!! A big shout out to my pal Sophie (@ buzzfeedworthit) but betaing the new chapters. You can still find me @ fancybois on tumblr <3

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @ fancybois.tumblr.com!
> 
> (PS I'll probably continue this!)


End file.
